Learning to Be Little Again(9)

By: Meredith O Reilly


I cried into his shoulder for a few minutes, just letting out my pent-up pain. I hated feeling like this. I didn’t want to, but I just couldn’t get over it. I also didn’t want to think about how good it felt to be wrapped in his arms.

When I finished crying, he asked, “You done?”

I just nodded, not ready to face him yet.

“Juliana, please look at me.”

I shook my head, not ready to look at the man who was still rubbing my back after I’d stupidly cried all over him. I was crazy. He was going to lock me up because I must look like I lost my mind.

“Juliana, look at me right now,” he said in an authoritative voice, a voice I knew meant business.

I looked up at him to see him staring into my eyes, and I couldn’t help but blurt out, “I’m sorry!”

“Listen to me, sweetie. There is absolutely nothing to be ashamed about. I know that you were treated poorly by your last daddy and that because of him, you have so many problems today.”

I just nodded my head, not sure what to say as I gave my teddy bear another squeeze.

“I can understand why you don’t like talking to strangers and why you don’t like people touching you. I just hope that one day, you do get better and you let yourself find a new daddy to love and take care of you.”

“I’m never going to find a new daddy again,” I declared.

“Why not?” he asked, looking a little taken back.

“Because I’m never going to play in that lifestyle again. It caused me too many problems.”

“Don’t say that. It wasn’t the lifestyle that caused you problems. It was the person who you played with that caused all the problems. Don’t stop being who you are just because of one really bad experience. Don’t give that evil man that power over you.”

I nodded again, not wanting to tell him that a very small part of me hoped that I would find another daddy too. One who would always put my needs first. One who would always protect me from the evils of the world. One who would punish me when I had done something wrong. One who would love me no matter what.

“I know this is probably a horrible time to ask you this, but I figure why not… Now, I want you to be honest with me. Okay?”

“Okay,” I said, squeezing my bear, afraid of what he wanted to ask me.

“Would you maybe like to go on a date with me? I know this is totally not the right time and technically unethical because I did just see you as a patient today, but I don’t think that I will see you as a patient again. Would you like to go on a date with me?”

I thought about it for a second and then said, “Yes.” I didn’t think it was bad timing. In fact, I was happy he was asking me.

“Really?”

I was surprised at how shocked he was. Clearly, he hadn’t thought that I would go out with him. But truth be told, I kept having dreams about him after the munch. Mark had told me that Robert was into age play and he even looked like my ideal daddy—although I didn’t plan on ever letting him know that.

I nodded.

“Excellent! We can do whatever you want. We can go out dancing, or do dinner and a movie, or else I can come to your house and cook, or else you can come to my house and I can cook. We can bring Mark if you want, if that makes you more comfortable.”

“No!” I was not going to let Mark come on a date with me. Yes, I was wary of strangers, but Robert had proven himself to be a gentlemen. Plus, how humiliating would it be if Mark came? It would be like having my older brother with me on a first date. Yuck!

“Okay. Just let me know what you want to do.”

“Dinner at my apartment?”

“That sounds perfect. I’ll cook.”

I decided to take a bold step and ask, “Tonight?” His face lit up and I knew that was exactly what he wanted to hear.

“That sounds perfect!”

“Okay.”

“I’ll meet you at six? Does that sound good?”

I nodded. That was perfect. I usually ate dinner around that time, and I was glad he did too.

“Excellent. I think I know exactly what to make you, too.”

“What?”

“It’s a surprise.”

“I love surprises!” I giggled. I really did. I tried to think about the last surprise I’d gotten. I couldn’t remember the last one, so this made me even more excited for our date.

“Good to know. Now, there are a couple more things we have to talk about. Do you want to bring Mark back in to hear?”

“No, I think I can do this alone,” I said, feeling much braver than I did the first time I sat down in this office.

“Okay. I’m going to sit you down in your chair now.”

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